Tips for Ensuring a Good Job Interview

As promised, this post in an attempt to elevate the cultural value of the blog (see the Wayne & Wanda sketches from the first season of the Muppet Show for the targeted cultural standard; they were introduced by Sam the Eagle after all). I have also promised to maintain the highest level of moral turpitude; no small task. So given that and the fact that in the current economy most of us never know when we might need to start looking for our next job, here goes:

Tips for Ensuring a Good Job Interview:

1) Forget the dress code used in the office for which you are applying. Giant rabbit suits, street walking attire, wife beaters with baggy pants, anything camouflage, bling in excess of 14 carats or 14 pounds, sequined jogging suits, headbands, sweat bands, and anything that reveals your belly-piercings may be considered in poor taste by some, but fashion statements are always important. Dressing like Willie Nelson and singing “On the Road Again,” while acoustically playing the guitar is always sure to impress.

2) Bring a resume and list of references. While some might hold that a resume should only be one page unless the description of your second Nobel Prize requires additional space, I personally prefer to read through two full pages or more of inflated, self-promotion to figure out why I should hire a candidate. Oh, and I love grammatical or spelling errors; the really good ones make me laugh and laugh and laugh. And do try to add famous celebrities to your references, that way when some on tries to contact them (and who wouldn’t want to call Eric Estrada), they may be so excited from the conversation that they will forget the celebrity had no idea who you were. Just don’t use the same pizza delivery number for all of your celebrity references.

3) Do discuss what was wrong with your prior boss, job, company, or girlfriend/boyfriend. The interview is about them, not you; let’s face it, every employer wants to hear about bad jobs, bosses, significant others, and other assorted troubles, particularly if he or she is a country music fan.

4) Do your homework and learn about the company before the interview. If the company is small and no information is available, or you are just too lazy to do research, make it up. That way, when the interviewer corrects you about their firms recent delisting from the DOW and government-backed bankruptcy, you can either reply that you are relieved that that was another company, or, if its not going well, you can simply declare, “What?! I have been deceived. We have nothing more to discuss.” And then storm out of the interview.

While I don’t have first-hand experience with all of these tips, I have seen most in action. And while I do admit that I do not follow my own advice, following these tips will make you at least as successful as Wayne & Wanda.